How Do You Know?

I’ve been thinking about my goals a lot over the past few weeks. Some of them I’ve made progress on, and some not so much. I’ve realized that I set very high expectations for myself. It will be interesting to see if I can reach them.

My #1 goal (improving my relationship with God) has been on my mind a lot. This is a difficult goal in that there isn’t a tangible, easy-to-see way to track my progress. For me, this is a goal that is both never done (because I can always improve and draw closer to God), and done as soon as I take the first step (because I’m then one step closer with all the blessings that come from that). I’ve felt both discouraged when I second-guess my worthiness, and hopeful when I feel the Spirit stronger than I have for quite a while.

Which is all a long way of saying I’m not sure where to go with this goal. I want to continue reading scriptures every day, praying many times during the day, fasting, attending the temple, and all the basics of my religion that keep my on the path I want to follow. But beyond that, how do I track where I’m at? And should I even attempt to track that? Am I far enough along with the changes I wanted to make that I can take some of my energy and focus and apply them to another goal? Can I rely on the habits I have started over the past month and a half to keep me moving forward and avoid standing still or falling back?

These are all questions that plague me when I try to evaluate my goals for the year. And none of them have an easy answer. I have definitely felt an increase of the Spirit. I find myself humming hymns and craving the spiritual lift I get from the scriptures. These are all good signs.

I think I’m at a point where I can readjust my attention onto other goals. I hope that as long as I keep the desire to draw close to God forefront in my mind when planning everything else, I can rely upon the habits I have created over a lifetime (and renewed just lately) to direct me. But it’s a little scary with something so important to relax any effort without being absolutely sure of where I am. Unfortunately, I have a long way to go before I could come close to being able to claim guaranteed salvation (really, who could claim that?). And I can’t neglect everything and everyone else in an effort to improve myself. That would be counterproductive at the end of the day.

I would love to hear anyone else’s thoughts on this.